When Humans and Dogs Collide: Negotiations for Todays Changing Times
This morning I decided to find myself. I originally looked forward to the spiritual journey that would define who I was as a person. But then I looked into my mirror and realized that the person I saw in that mirror was me. So I then figured, why spend all this time finding myself when I already know where I am?
Since I allotted around 80 years for this quest and finished it in about eight seconds, I had some free time that I needed to devote to a cause. I had a great idea: I would purposely drop a dog so that the owner of that dog would ask me what I was doing, to which I could respond, "Well, my cause was to see your reaction and my effect was, indeed, your reaction." This would make my cause and effect almost the same. But I had to give up on trying this experiment, because - after all - where would I possibly find a dog?
Dogs are funny individuals in that people claim to love them, but when it comes down to it, we have so many negative terms which revolve around them. For example, if you are told that you are being sent to the doghouse, that doesn't mean you are being tossed to an area of luxury. More so, you will be sent to the same place as the dog, some small area consisting of a leaky roof and a food bowl. Although owners try to convince their dogs that this is some sort of fantasy land, the reality is that most owners wouldn't want to spend more than 15 minutes in one. Those who do spend more than 15 minutes are only doing so because they are stuck in the location...
On the other hand, we also have the sporting statement, "Hey, buddy, I dogged you in that race." Of course the statement can exist without the "hey, buddy," but what fun would that be? Such a statement means, basically, that one person defeated the other in a race in such a way that a dog would defeat a human. Now, this is the opposite of the doghouse reputation, because here the dogs are given more credit than humans as opposed to less. This could only mean one thing: the dogs negotiated this with the humans in order to assure respect from the general populace...
But who are these dogs? And, more importantly, who were the humans asked to negotiate? I don't have a problem with dogs, but if we are going to negotiate with them, I think we should send some of our best humans to do so. Otherwise, imagine the potential chaos:
Human: Okay, so let's negotiate here.
Dog: How about you give us the power to speak, like I am right now, and we will allow you to rename tree covering to "speak" instead of "bark"?
Human: You are too fair. Let's do that immediately. But to make sure you are not getting ripped off, we will throw in some table scraps from an all-you-can-eat-restaurant where everyone thinks they are bigger eaters than they really are.
But I digress.
Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, "Progressive Revelations," has been ongoing since 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)
How to Build a Cobblestone House
He huffed and he puffed and he blew the house down - certainly not if the house was built with cobblestones. Building cobblestone houses was a folk art that flourished in upstate New York from 1825 until the Civil War in 1860.
Lactose Intolerant? It could be a good thing
Lactose Intolerant Individuals may prove a bonus in Space Missions. Lactose intolerant individuals have huge problems with gas from the inability to process certain dairy products and foods.
Space, and the Room for It
Space exploration came a long way since I was the size of a measurable amount of it.I remember with some pain, my first ride on a penny farthing with its big wheel and long spokes that were well engineered to cut a foot or two off anyone's legs.
The Language of Appalachia
Imagine my surprise when I went to Jamaica a few years ago and learned that I do, indeed, have an accent. You see, unlike my paternal grandmother, I don't stretch the word "cornbread" into four syllables.
And the World Goes Round
If you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you are permitted to snicker at this problem. Anchorage, Alaska, just opened its first two roundabouts at a major intersection.
A Dogs Guide To... Getting Your Dog to Stop Barking
I like to bark. I mean, I like to bark A LOT.
How To Get Attention, or: As You Read This, You Feel an Irresistible Urge to Go On Reading!
We all want attention. As children we crave the attention of our parents.
How I Spent my Summer Vacation
One of the best parts of a vacation is the positive outlook you derive from pleasant anticipation. Another benefit is the afterglow, allowing you to feel right with the world.
A French Teachers Memories: First Day at School
Despite my diplomas that allowed me to teach in state secondary schools, and my requests, I had been appointed to teach to a sixth-grade class. At least, I almost worked in my backyard.
Computers According to Carol
A is for Anti-Virus: she got it from my Uncle.B is for Backup: always look in your rear view mirror first.
Miss Cleo Was a Fake... NO - Really? YES Maaan!
With her Jamaican accent Miss Cleo, a self proclaimed psychic and shaman would give you the answers to all life's mysteries..
The Spare Parts Gremlins
Don't you just love getting a little something extra? Sure you do. Everybody does.
The Top 10 All Time Worst Jokes About Piano Players
Here, for your barfing pleasure, are the top ten worst jokes of all time about piano players. Nothing personal, you understand, since I am one.
Humor Under The Keyboards
For me, the piano is the symbol of what is stiff, proper and elegant. It doesn't have faults, it is perfect.
Playing Go-Between in the Digital Age
NOTE: This article was originally published in May 2000 at *spark-online.com when my grandmother was alive.
Pee Here Now
Several years ago, I switched health insurance companies and my new insurer sent a uniformed nurse with short black hair to my house to conduct a health assessment. We sat at my kitchen table and she officiously asked questions about my health history.
Nine Movies That Make You Want To Yell, Stop Saying That
Movie moments are nice things to share with the people you care about. Most of those shared moments consist of "Remember that one part when the guy with the thing?" and before they can finish you're interjecting with your own vague, "Oh totally, I love that part!" But occasionally this process extends beyond an inner circle and goes global in its reach.
Bad Days and Bad Timing
Have you ever noticed how family members always misbehave at the most inappropriate moments? Well, let me tell you, it's not just the little ones that spout off with remarks that make you want to don a cloak of invisibility.My son was just having one of those days.
New Orleans First to Experience Housing Bubble Burst
Are we starting to see the Housing Bubble Burst in the wake of Hurricane Katrina? In New Orleans many homeowner's had their equity literally washed away. They are upside down in negative equity and basically underwater.
Cloning Advantage Super Families
As the cloning debate of humankind continues we find ourselves in an interesting predicament. We see the need of self to extend past one's own lifetime as an innate characteristic; self-preservation has always been one of mankind's greatest drivers of motivation.
|home | site map|